Which Version is Best? Part II

Last week I named movies that I thought could live up to one another in terms of quality. I got a couple of heated responses, which I enjoy, because what’s the point of blogging about movies if everyone always agrees? After this one, I’m definitely hoping to get more (although someone on my side is always pleasant). So let’s reiterate:

Rear Window (1954) /Disturbia (2007)

Friday the 13th (1980) / Friday the 13th (2009)

The Parent Trap (1960) / The Parent Trap (1998)

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971)/ Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005)

I already went over what I liked and disliked about all the “contenders.” Now, here comes the real challenge: deciding which, if I had to choose, I would rather watch on one of those nights where you’re just dying to veg out on the couch with a film and there are only two choices in your cabinet (which, in my case, I’d never let happen, although sometimes it feels like it… in that case I normally head to Family Video or the like). So, after a lot of thought, I came up with the following:

Disturbia- Hate me all you want, but I just did not find Rear Window scary. I loved the way it was framed almost like theatre and the vulnerability of the main character, but I found it to lack the intensity of a lot of Hitchcock's films. You don't get the heart pounding anxiety when Jeff is sitting at the window that you do in, say, North by Northwest, when Cary Grant is walking along a ledge above a quarrel trying to not be detected. Anyway, I'm not saying Rear Window is bad- on the contrary, I found it quite enjoyable to watch all the fabricated relationships Jimmy Stewart dreams up in his over active imagination. I'm just saying that when I want to watch a thriller, I want something to make me scared, and Disturbia does that. Maybe it's because the main character has nothing going for him. Maybe it's because it's easier for the neighbor to cover things up in his garage than in a living room. Whatever the case, I would choose Disturbia on a Friday night with nothing to do.

Friday the 13th (1980)- In my last post, I talked mainly about how in the newer version, you get to know the characters really well before they all die. The reason I like this one is because you really don't need to know them. Who really watches a horror movie for plot? Is it really as important as seeing someone with an axe outside the window of a camp counselor's room (even if it doesn't make any sense)? I think not. 

The Parent Trap (1960)- Although the newer version seems to be infused with much more "Disney magic" and is better paced, I find the comedy to not be as genuine as in the original, and to me, that's what matters. Aside from the fact that Lindsay Lohan's accent is close to atrocious, I would rather watch a girl cut up another girl's skirt from behind than see furniture on the roof, and I'd rather see the girls serenade their parents awkwardly in song than see the parents awkwardly reminisce about thirty year old wine in a nasty basement. I'd rather watch the old version because it takes a highly impossible situation that would really never happen and makes it believable, instead of taking an impossible situation and making it funny, because in the end, it's still not possible, and we're just left with chuckles at bad sight gags... and a painful English accent. Although, a painful English accent is better than a painful coke addiction (I'm just saying). 

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005)- No, I did not like the creepy melting dolls that greet all the children when they enter Wonka's Factory. However, I did like the songs because they were taken right out of the book, and the plot was as well, unlike the old one in which Charlie drinks some weird shit that makes him float on the ceiling. Wait... wasn't the point of the book that he was the only one not to be tempted? Now, don't get me wrong- I love the old movie, for its Oompa Loompas, special effects (since most of my readers know how iffy I am about CGI) and of course, Gene Wilder. But if I want a good, solid, take-me-back-to-my-childhood story, of course I'm going to pick the new one because it's faithful to the message and mystical wonderland that Roald Dahl wanted to create for us. And Charlie's family is actually poor, and actually English. Just like Lindsay Lohan... oh wait, never mind. 

Debate! Argue! Spill some blood.... or maybe just cyber ink. 

Peace,

The Movie Mistress

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Which Version is Best? Part I

Given Hollywood's current state of panicky mass remake mode that they've been in for the past, oh, maybe, twenty years, I decided to scour the books for the originals and remakes that go head to head (and also hope to spark heated arguments). I realize that there seems to be a usual trend of a remake butchering the amazingly done original, but every once in a while you find a gem of a film that both honors the content of the original movie while bringing in its own take. I'm going to list the contenders here for now, and say what is great about both, and then say which one is, in my opinion, the best. This is going to be super boring without participation, however, so I'm really asking people to get involved. There will be blood. 

Rear Window (1954) or Disturbia (2007)?

Even though there was never an official "this is a remake" statement, the fact that Spielberg was slapped with a lawsuit from the Hitchcock estate is good enough cause to list Disturbia as a remake of this other thriller. Both have pretty riveting plots with amazingly well thought out character restrictions, although I find Disturbia's main character's house arrest a tad more interesting than the broken leg in Rear Window. Then again, there's the voyeuristic quality in Hitchcock's thriller that Spielberg's lacks, as Disturbia finds a way to maneuver its hero into the heart of the action via cameras and an underground passageway, thus taking away the quality of vulnerability brought about by only being able to observe what's going on from across the way. However, the dependence on tech rather than binoculars brings about a whole other quality of heart pounding fear, as you're much more invested in whether the characters will get caught since bugging someone's home is illegal while looking at it with binoculars is just creepy. At the same time, however, the fact that the salesman is able to hide what he's doing so easily in Rear Window makes our hero's obsession more compelling. What do you think?

Friday the 13th (1980) or Friday the 13th (2009)?

Both of these are horror films. Both have the same name. However, the plots are pretty different. There were a lot of people that criticized the 2007 version for essentially summing up the plot of the 1980 version in two minutes and then taking it in a whole other direction. While it’s valid that a remake should be pretty faithful to the tone of the original, I think that with a horror film, you can take some liberties. I mean, the original exists on its own, so to not make changes to it would be silly. If you don’t want changes, just watch the original film.

Now that I’ve said that little bit, on to the contenders. I like the first film because the large portion of the story or plot is focused on Jason and not the camp counselors, because, hey, they’re all gonna die anyway, so who gives a shit about their baggage? On the other hand, the newer version had its ups in making you invested in the college students because you actually wanted them to live. Yes, it was fun to watch Kevin Bacon get chainsawed, but it’s nice to sometimes NOT want the characters to die, too. Just a thought. At the same time, however, I have to say in all honesty that the special effects in the new one SUCKED. Sometimes, to make a horror movie, all you really need is a bucket of fake blood and a mask. The audience can put together the rest.

The Parent Trap (1961) or The Parent Trap (1998)?

Don’t you ever look back on the 1998 version and think, Wow, Lindsay Lohan was so cute. What the fuck happened?

Anyway, this is one remake where I honestly love both movies, and it comes down to this: I love the 1968 version for the girls, and I love the 1998 version for the adults. The camp scenes in the original are so hilariously reminiscent of the summer camp nightmares every kid experiences, from the bugle horn to the classic pranks and cabin rivalries. In the remake, I found the camp scenes a bit too sappy, but the sappy scenes that went with the romance of the two adults worked really well. It was nice to see what it was exactly that our two young heroines were fighting for. I don’t really remember there being quite as much chemistry between the parents in the original, which could have been casting, or could have been the protocol of a 1960s Disney movie. One thing I did like was the casting of Hayley Mills in the original, who was actually about fourteen, making her a way better actor than eleven year old Lindsay.

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971) or Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005)?

To me, this is a hard one. I love Gene Wilder. He was a genius in this role, and Johnny Depp’s quirky eccentric-ness doesn’t quite compare. However, I didn’t really like the content of the original, since it doesn’t exactly follow the intentions or tone of the book. The remake, though it delves into an entirely unnecessarily backstory about Wonka’s daddy issues, keeps the exact plot and tone of the book, even keeping with the Great Glass Elevator. I like the original for the songs and Wonka, but I like the new one for the story and the other characters, such as Charlie and his family, who are (gasp!), actually English. 

I'm sometimes not good at concealing my opinions, but I'll do a follow-up post with which versions I (honestly) think are better. 

Peace!

The Movie Mistress

The Top Ten Bathroom Scenes

And no, I don't mean scenes where you get up in the middle of the movie to go to the bathroom because you know it will be boring. 

The bathroom is something that has always been pretty taboo in Hollywood. Unless characters are using it to have sex, no one really goes in there, but every once in a while you find a gem of a movie in which the bathroom is exploited to its full potential. I’m here to point out those moments. You’d be surprised about how many there are…

10. Mrs. Doubtfire (1993) ((SPOILER ALERT))

Leave it to Robin Williams to make a movie in which the major turning point of the plot happens because he uses the bathroom. Actually, now that I think about it, both turning points revolve around mention of the bathroom. Because, in most places, you have to be one gender to pee. Hey, I didn’t say it was right.

9. Juno (2007)

“You better pay for that pee stick. Just because you marked it with your urine doesn’t mean it’s yours!” One of the only scenes I’ve ever seen in a movie where you are actually seeing a girl/woman use the bathroom. Have you ever noticed that? You see urinals all the time, but women aren’t allowed to actually pee. Then again, if you were to depict the bathroom realistically, we’d never get out of the movie because we’d have to watch the main actress stand in line for ten minutes first.

I couldn't find the exact scene, but most of you know what I'm talking about, so enjoy this strangely amusing clip instead. People are so odd:

8. Catch Me if You Can (2002)

Airplane bathrooms are gross. Seriously. Now imagine opening the toilet and escaping out of it. This is one of the best BR scenes ever, since it utilizes the main character’s genius in a way that you really don’t see coming- I mean, seriously, who would think of unscrewing the top of the toilet and climbing into it? I certainly wouldn’t, which is what makes this scene so great.

7. Breathless (1960)

What do you do when you want to take a girl out on a date and have no cash? Go to the bathroom and rob a random stranger that you’re peeing next to, of course! I mean, who wouldn’t?

6. Slumdog Millionaire (2008)

Although this example is kind of depressing, it’s still a great scene and an example of what you can do when you’re in deep shit…. literally.

5. Kramer vs. Kramer (1978)

I included this because even though it doesn’t show anything, it has got to be one of the cutest sequences in all of film history. You would never expect the bathroom to be an adorable bonding experience between characters, but here we are. It happens at around 9:35-

4. Charlie Bartlett (2007)

Okay, so maybe this wasn’t such a great movie, but you have to admit that the bathroom scenes are pretty awesome. Who can’t  love the parallel between a bathroom and a confessional? You have to admit, it’s pretty good.

3. Pulp Fiction (1994) ((SPOILER ALERT))

Let’s see- which one do I highlight? Let’s do the last one, since it’s John Travolta’s ultimate demise. What can we learn from this, kids? Never, ever put down your gun to piss.

2. Jurassic Park (1993)

No, not the lawyer on the toilet! One of my favorite examples of bathroom humor ever.

1. Lethal Weapon II (1989)

I’m sorry, but nothing tops a scene that revolves around not being able to get off the toilet because a bomb will be set off. Nothing. When you even say that out loud, it’s funny. And when you watch it, it’s even funnier. However, they had this scene towards the beginning of the movie, which automatically means that the rest is kind of a let-down. I still had to include it, however.

Honorable Mentions: Psycho (1960) and Heathers (1988)


Peace!

The Movie Mistress

The Top Ten Female Action Stars

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Because blogging is largely about reading others' work and saying "I could do that, but better...." I've decided to do a response post to a recent post by one of my fellow Movie Bloggers, Heather of Movie Mobsters. I read the Top Ten Action Stars (which I'll give props to being well written and well thought out and entertaining) and was slightly uncomfortable that there were no women on the list. I get that the typical action "hero" in the past has been a male-dominated genre, but there are plenty of women that kick ass on screen and ones that I would argue rose to fame as being action stars. So the following is a list of my favorites, in a moment of Female Empowerment:

10. Milla Jojovich


I haven't seen Resident Evil, nor do I intend to. However, I did see the Fifth Element, and I think that to call Bruce Willis the star of this movie is an overstatement, because Milla Jojovich as an action star provided cause for the entire plot to happen. There wouldn't have been a movie without her, and if you don't have any idea what I'm talking about, go out and rent it because all I can say is that action movies are where she belongs.

9. Sienna Miller


She was the only remotely interesting character in G.I. Joe. Most likely because they gave her actual action skills to work with instead of computer animated technology. Let's ponder this and make the connection between her being the lead female character.

8. Franka Potente


I first saw her in the Bourne Identity and thought she was pretty awesome. Then, I saw Run, Lola, Run. All I can say is, if there were more female characters that were along the lines of Lola, the movie industry would be a much better place for women.

7. Lucy Liu


From being the only one to actually look like she has some sort of fighting skills in Charlie's Angels (Drew Barrymore? Really? We're not that stupid) to being a murderess in Chicago, to playing the head of the Japanese Mafia in Kill Bill, I think we can successfully come to the conclusion that Lucy Liu is ruthless.

6. Jennifer Garner


She successfully took her TV action skills and seamlessly transitioned from "Alias" to Daredevil, and then to Elektra. We forget that before desperate Mom-to-be in Juno, there was Jennifer Garner the action hero synonymous with being a double agent, and later a superhero.

5. Rosario Dawson


Sin City. Josie and the Pussycats. Deathproof. Men In Black 2. Is there anything Rosario can't do? There are no words. I tried to find a clip from Sin City to show how awesome she is, but alas, there were none on youtube save for stupid fan shit. We'll just have to tap into the most memorable parts of the movie stored in our brains. 

4. Sigourney Weaver


I have yet to see a movie Sigourney Weaver in which there aren't aliens involved, unless you count GhostBusters. And WALL-E. But... yeah. She's kind of always fighting something, which is what makes her an awesome action star, from Alien to Galaxy Quest to Avatar. You can't have a list like this and not include Sigourney Weaver.

3. Linda Hamilton


There is no better female action hero than Sarah Conner. Although Linda Hamilton has had a pretty successfully diverse acting career since 1984, the world will forever remember her as the awesomely ripped gun-loading futuristic female hero and later mom (I, personally liked Judgement Day waaay better).

2. Kate Beckinsale


Although a lot of people associate her with being in serious indie movies, people seem to forget that Kate Beckinsale first came to our attention kicking ass and taking werewolf names in Underworld, and then again in the sequel (both of which I have seen, although I must admit that I never saw Rise of the Lycans and opted instead to see My Bloody Valentine in 3D. I still am not sure if I made the right decision). Needless to say, I would call her a pretty awesome female action star.

1. Anjelina Jolie


Though she has dabbled more recently in serious dramatic roles (and even won an Oscar for Girl, Interrupted), I would argue that Anjelina Jolie, whether you're a fan of hers or not, is the Queen of Action Movies. From the time she took on Lara Croft, America has embraced her as this emblem of what the most awesomely badass female can aspire to. Add that to Gone in 60 Seconds, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, Wanted, and now Salt, she dominates the action world. Even at forty, she still can hang out of a car window and shoot bad guys. If that's not an action star, I don't know what is.


Peace!


The Movie Mistress

The Top Ten Biopics

With Amelia, Coco Before Chanel and Bright Star surfacing this year after we've just put away I'm Not There and Public Enemies, the Movie Mistress has decided to make a tribute to Biographical Pictures, or, as we in the era of shortening everything like to call them, biopics. Because there's nothing more exciting than watching an actor reinterpret someone else's life to make them more human. I apologize that I didn’t really include any earlier biopics, like The Three Faces of Eve (one of my favorites) or Amadeus, but there are so fucking many that the ones I picked are just my favorites, even though I might have more favorites not on the list (and I mean A LOT more). So before you turn to HBO and watch Claire Danes as Temple Grandin, think back to these ten in no particular order:

1. La Vie En Rose (2007)

One of my favorites. I have never seen an actor capture someone's life in a biopic better than Marion Cottiard did with Edith Piaf. It astounded me when I found out that all of her singing was dubbed by recordings of Piaf herself! She embodies the character so well that you can't tell she's faking. That is talent. I also love the jumping around, even though it took me about three times of watching to figure out what parts of her life go where. But isn't that how we remember things anyway? I'd think that if I was dying, I would not remember my entire life in order, and I would save the worst memories for last. 

2. Child Star: The Shirley Temple Story (2001)

Okay, so I know this was an ABC made-for-TV movie, but if you've ever seen it, the little six year old that plays Shirley Temple is so close to the actual actress it's creepy. Shirley Temple Black had to make the final approval of who would play herself in the movie, and it definitely paid off. This movie is super realistic for a movie musical, highlighting both the fact that Black never really made a comeback and also the loneliness that came along with being a child star. I honestly have seen this movie a bunch of times and it never gets old. Seriously.

3. Mommie Dearest (1981)

This movie may have been called campy, overdone, and ridiculous, but it holds a pretty special place in my heart in terms of biopics. I am in awe of the child actor who played Joan Crawford's daughter. That kind of acting in a film has got to cause some psychological problems later on, however small. Watching her take being screamed at in the bathroom was almost as bad as Mo'Nique shoving her granddaughter off of her lap in Precious. I am a pretty big John Waters fan, and in my book, this one is one of his best. It paints a realistic picture of abuse before Child Services, and demonstrates the way that parental control pretty much stays with you for your entire life whether you want it to leave or not. 

4. Walk the Line (2005)

I didn't know anything about Johnny Cash before I watched this film, and now because of I've found out that he led a pretty remarkable life, both as a musician and a civilian. I know the movie mainly just focused on his issues with cocaine, but I kind of wish that it had spanned his entire life, or at least started at the end and flashed back to the beginning. I only say this because he kept playing and writing music for his entire life, and to say that he had a “heyday” isn’t entirely true. Example: It would have been interesting to watch him cover "Hurt" by Nine Inch Nails and then flash back from there. Nevertheless, the acting was wonderful, and the soundtrack was great for a biopic about rock and roll.

5. Catch Me If You Can (2002)

Color! Con-artists! di Caprio! The 1960s have never looked better. This star-studded (I mean, Tom Hanks, Leonardo di Caprio, Amy Adams, AND Christopher Walken?!? Granted, it was AA before she became famous) cast directed by Steven Spielberg is the closest to perfect a biopic can be (and I’m pretty harsh on films normally). It focuses on Tom Hank’s obsession so well that rather than have the movie be about Frank Abagnale or Carl Hanratty, it starts to be about the thrill of the chase, which is way more interesting. And yet you still find out more than you ever wanted to know about our main characters! I am in fucking awe.

6. Velvet Goldmine (1998)

Okay, so it never says specifically that this is David Bowie and Iggy Pop, but… it’s totally David Bowie and Iggy Pop. I’m counting this as a biopic. I’m a huge fan of Jonathan Rhys-Meyers, and this movie is no exception. He and Ewan McGregor make a great pair, and the two of them combined with sexuality, drugs, and awesome musical numbers make this a sweet ride. I love the video designed after "Satellite of Love."

7. Julie and Julia (2009)

This isn’t a biopic, per say, but Meryl Streep as Julia Child can’t be ignored. I enjoyed her scenes waaay more than Amy Adams’ cooking woes. If I get anything out of this movie, it’s that Julia Child was a badass. Who knew that cooking used to be a man’s profession? Or that there was no way for American women to easily cook French recipes (well, looking at the French, that’s totally believable)? I loved watching her struggle her way to the top, and, when Julie Powell says in the movie, “Julia Child hates me!” My immediate response was, “Good.”

8. Milk (2008)

“I know you’re angry! I’m angry.” There is no line more powerful in a biopic. Even though you know exactly what is going to happen at the end of the movie (One, because this person existed, and two, they told you during the opening credits), this movie is riveting nonetheless. My one gripe about it is that James Franco was totally robbed of Best Supporting. I know people think his part was pretty forgettable, but to me, watching him cry was totally worth it.

9.  A Beautiful Mind (2001)

Classic biopic, starting with a strange 17-year-old Russell Crowe (because, really, nothing important happens before you go to college), and ending with a seventy-something Russell Crowe, this movie manages to tell a simple story of one man’s life with plot twists, suspense, and excitement. Who would have thought that the life of a bat-shit crazy mathmatician could be this interesting? Really! And I absolutely adore Jennifer Connelly as his wife. Their relationship is loving, yet maintains a strained realism that is apparent through every stage of their marriage. It’s hard to say exactly what the movie is about without giving away the twist (although, by now I think most people already know), so I’ll just end with “it’s a really fucking good biopic.”

10. The Aviator (2004)

I’m not sure if it was this movie or Catch Me If You Can that got Leonardo di Caprio out of the Titanic slump, but either way, this was the first movie I saw him in as a real actor. I know that sounds terrible, but you know it’s true. In Romeo + Juliet, he was “that kid from What’s Eating Gilbert Grape” and in for a while after Titanic, you couldn't look at a picture of him without getting Celine Dion blasting in your head. But in the Aviator, he was Howard Hughes. I mean, how the fuck can you forget him bashing his head over and over against the mirror with jars of piss lined up all over the place? This is not cute little Jack Dawson. Admit it- how many people saw this movie and then looked up everything else he had done? I know I did. The Basketball Diaries probably got a surge of requests at Blockbuster back in 2004 (too bad it didn’t help and they’re still obsolete). Which reminds me that there’s yet another biopic that didn’t make it onto the list.

Fuck.

Peace!

The Movie Mistress